I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
