So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
