I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
