I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
