Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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