Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
