Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
