last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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