I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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