Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
