I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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