the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
