i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
