playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
