i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I want a musical about memes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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