is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
