They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
