Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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