Who did Billy Mays play for?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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