I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
