Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
