i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
