That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
