But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
