And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
