I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
