He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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