can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
