cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You were trust falling into bushes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
