Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
