why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this beer tastes like vomit already
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
