I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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