Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
