So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
