I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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