you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
