I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
