I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
