dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
