so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
