it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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