I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
