Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
