They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
