then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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