I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
