Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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