your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Pants are for mortals
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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