i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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