If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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