im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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