yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
