Jerry, you need to find god
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
