i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
