WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
