bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
