Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
