I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
