just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
