i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if i died would you start the facebook group?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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