Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
