Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
