Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
